These Words from My Father Which Saved Us when I became a Brand-New Father

"I believe I was simply just surviving for twelve months."

One-time Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey anticipated to cope with the difficulties of being a father.

Yet the reality soon proved to be "completely different" to his expectations.

Life-threatening health problems surrounding the birth saw his partner Louise being hospitalised. All of a sudden he was forced into becoming her chief support as well as looking after their newborn son Leo.

"I handled each nighttime feed, every nappy change… every walk. The role of mother and father," Ryan shared.

After 11 months he reached burnout. It was a chat with his parent, on a public seat, that helped him see he required support.

The straightforward words "You're not in a good spot. You must get some help. How can I support you?" paved the way for Ryan to express himself truthfully, seek support and regain his footing.

His experience is not uncommon, but infrequently talked about. While people is now more accustomed to discussing the strain on mums and about post-natal depression, far less attention is paid about the challenges dads encounter.

Asking for help is not weak to ask for help

Ryan feels his challenges are linked to a larger inability to talk among men, who still absorb negative perceptions of masculinity.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the fortress that just gets hit and doesn't fall with each wave."

"It isn't a sign of weakness to request help. I failed to do that soon enough," he explains.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist focusing on mental health before and after childbirth, notes men often don't want to acknowledge they're having a hard time.

They can think they are "not the right person to be asking for help" - especially in preference to a mum and baby - but she emphasises their mental well-being is just as important to the family.

Ryan's chat with his dad gave him the chance to take a pause - spending a few days away, separate from the family home, to see things clearly.

He came to see he had to make a shift to focus on his and his partner's emotional states as well as the day-to-day duties of looking after a new baby.

When he was honest with Louise, he realised he'd failed to notice "what she was yearning" -physical connection and hearing her out.

Reparenting yourself'

That realisation has transformed how Ryan views parenthood.

He's now penning Leo letters each week about his experiences as a dad, which he aspires his son will read as he gets older.

Ryan believes these will assist his son to more fully comprehend the expression of emotional life and interpret his parenting choices.

The concept of "reparenting" is something musician Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

As a child Stephen was without stable male parenting. Even with having an "incredible" connection with his dad, profound emotional pain meant his father struggled to cope and was "in and out" of his life, making difficult their connection.

Stephen says repressing emotions resulted in him make "terrible actions" when he was younger to change how he felt, finding solace in drink and drugs as an escape from the hurt.

"You turn to behaviours that don't help," he explains. "They can briefly alter how you feel, but they will eventually make things worse."

Tips for Managing as a New Father

• Share with someone - when you are under pressure, confide in a family member, your spouse or a therapist how you're feeling. This can to ease the pressure and make you feel more supported.
• Remember your hobbies - continue with the things that helped you to feel like the person you were before becoming a parent. It could be exercising, socialising or a favourite hobby.
• Don't ignore the body - eating well, getting some exercise and if you can, getting some sleep, all play a role in how your mental state is coping.
• Spend time with other first-time fathers - sharing their stories, the messy ones, and also the joys, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Remember that requesting help isn't failing - looking after your own well-being is the best way you can look after your household.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen understandably struggled to accept the passing, having not spoken to him for a long time.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's determined not to "continue the chain" with his child and instead offer the safety and nurturing he did not receive.

When his son threatens to have a outburst, for example, they try "shaking it out" together - processing the emotions safely.

Each of Ryan and Stephen explain they have become more balanced, healthier men since they confronted their pain, transformed how they talk, and figured out how to regulate themselves for their kids.

"I have improved at… sitting with things and managing things," explains Stephen.

"I expressed that in a letter to Leo last week," Ryan shares. "I wrote, at times I feel like my job is to instruct and tell you how to behave, but the truth is, it's a dialogue. I am understanding just as much as you are on this path."